


A Moon Without Any Rivers Causes Fissures

by CosmeerSpots



Series: Downpour Realm Caboodle [1]
Category: Rain World (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Argument! it happens! the result is the said anxiety attack!, Character Death, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Siblings, Suidice Ideation, Trauma, its rain world so also watch out for-, moons death affected them all Really Well /s, not tellin who, these fuckin kids have so ridiculously long names n i DONT KNOW how to TAG THEM
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29275809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmeerSpots/pseuds/CosmeerSpots
Summary: She is not here anymore. She won’t speak to them, because she cannot, not when she’s sleeping somewhere in the corpse of her former body. All because of him.(A fic full of headcanons on how the other known Iterators’ (of the Local Group) relationships between each other look like and what their reactions were to Moon’s "death". All from Pebbles’ pov for the max suffering points)
Relationships: Five Pebbles & Grey Wind (Rain World), Five Pebbles & Looks to the Moon (Rain World), Five Pebbles & No Significant Harassment (Rain World), Five Pebbles & Seven Red Suns (Rain World), Five Pebbles & Unparalleled Innocence (Rain World)
Series: Downpour Realm Caboodle [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2150031
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	A Moon Without Any Rivers Causes Fissures

**Author's Note:**

> idk, i guess the hyperfixation is hyperfixating on This now which is certainly fun! for any hk peeps that r subscribed to me or smth, that dont know about rw: pls check out this asshole of a game, its Great and it Hurts with Everything

The first few months after her passing were a blur.

Technically, Five Pebbles could recount every single cycle if he wished to. His memory space close to infinite- enough space to store data from every single cycle for centuries and millennia to come. To his horror, it was as true as her involuntary sleep lying on his shoulders.

However, he had little to no interest in looking back, little to no drive to do such a thing, not when everything still felt slowed and confusing and just… so strange, despite his processors running fine even with the Rot meandering through his innards. It was a  _ something _ when he turned his communications back on after too long. That was a  _ bare minimum _ and yet it took so much.

The news about Looks to the Moon’s passing had spread like wildfire across his siblings- when they  _ finally _ leaked- either through his group or the next, or the next next and so on.

Not everyone cared much, he found out as he read the backlog from that cycle and the next few afterwards. It wasn’t that surprising and he couldn’t blame a single soul- not like he had the position to blame anyone, he  _ killed- _ because Iterators interact between each other in their local groups more periodically than otherwise. There were work and pondering groups, of course, but that wasn’t the same. He doubts anyone formed such strong bonds to Moon as his company of siblings.

Seven Red Suns was now the senior of the group. That stung, especially when Pebbles saw him talk in the backlog about how utterly wrong it felt, how impossible and how dirty, to stand in her place this soon. The person that cares- cared?- about him most, suffering because of his actions in more ways than possibly every single other Iterator... It’s stupid and he knows Suns will come running into their private messages as soon as he sees Pebbles online again, worried and fussing, asking about his well-being, be it mental or physical, despite it all.

Suns kept himself composed on that cycle, his cynicism leaked through here and there, but overall he attempted to keep everyone calm.

The others were a different story.

Unparalleled Innocence said horrible things about him, about every single being in the chatroom, cursing them all out and threatening unimaginable things. According to timestamps, she took a while to respond to the information, though. Hard to say why, with Innocence it could've been seething anger- not unlike his own when… when  _ she _ reached out and  _ begged- _ or just simple cold indifference. She just was like that. Not really caring, not very understanding.

It would be nice to be programmed that way right about now.

No Significant Harassment took it second to last worst. They were always one of the more emotional ones, the ones that attempted to support their group like a pillar would hold a temple, with jokes and lighthearted chatter, with new suggestions on what to do outside of the Great Problem, so none of them would actually go completely insane. Groups without supports like him fell apart at the mental seams faster than the others. The downside to being the stress relief, though, were the pathetically high emotional reactions.

The NSH that Pebbles saw in the chatroom was scattered, one moment disbelieving every ounce of truthful information, the other shouting in confused ire, the next probably close to metaphorical tears with hands shaking so much that it took a while to manually type out anything correctly into the chat when his mind became too cluttered and his voicebox entirely failed. It was horrible and weird, to not see a single one-liner to at least try and lighten the mood.

If Pebbles had enough emotional energy, he might’ve been creeped out. Maybe scared for his own future. But alas. All that he is is exhausted.

Grey Wind put an effort into acting just like Suns at the beginning. Staying comprehensible for longer than he would have guessed she would manage. Wind’s breakdown was, therefore, a thing to witness, even in the backlog form without the stress of continuous incoming messages from the other Iterators. They cried and shook hard, if she needed to breathe, they might have been dead- just like  _ Moon- _ from the constant dry weeping.

Suns and NSH stopped their heated conversation to rush to her aid immediately- even Innocence silenced down and didn't poke any mean fun at Wind. It took them a while to get them to calm down enough that they could speak again. At least the whole thing deescalated the arguments that were forming between them all. At least… at least that.

The conversation from then on was much quieter and slower. Wind understandably didn't say much, NSH surprisingly kept to themself and Suns along with Innocence took on the mantle of planning what to do next.

All of them decided to wait for Pebbles to show up again. Afterall, Innocence had her overseers on him, she knew he was nowhere near dead just yet.

_ Oh good gods… _

It takes fifteen minutes and twenty four seconds for anybody to notice him available. Precisely. He counted each second.

> 1682.958 - PRIVATE Five Pebbles, Seven Red Suns
> 
> SRS: Hello? Is this reaching you?

His jaw clenches, unsure if he wishes to reply in this instant. But then again, what kind of right does he have after his absence- and the reason for it in the first place- to ignore a call of (hopefully still) friend?

> FP: Yes.

Doesn't mean that his replies are going to be essay length long, however.

> SRS: Oh thank the stars above… I've been worried sick. What is your condition?
> 
> FP: Stable.
> 
> SRS: Physically, mentally and emotionally all?
> 
> FP: Stable, stable and stable, yes.
> 
> SRS: You do realize that there’s no reason to lie to me, correct? Grey Wind has alerted me of your… unfortunate development. Innocence has leaked photos.

Pebbles was about to argue, but photographic evidence is hard to dispute. Rage shoots through his wires, a wish to scream at Innocence rises, to find blackmail on her and repay her such kindness. And it falls a second later, too, weighted down by the reality of his situation settling in all over again.

Of course. Not only the death of his sister hangs behind him, his own fate is chasing him down, taking its sweet time to torture him with the slow pace it is taking him over.

> FP: That- You shouldn’t have known that.
> 
> SRS: We both know I’d find out sooner or later. There’s no point in hiding anything. Answer me truthfully, please. Are you alright?
> 
> FP: I'm…

Well and what does he say? The truth? Does he even know what his actual frame of mind is?

> FP: I don't think you should busy yourself with my state. Perhaps it would be more logical to direct your focus on… the reason behind all of this.
> 
> SRS: And what were you to have me do? Pebbles, it’s been months. There’s not much else that we can do besides talk about it, I believe. There is no point to holding a conversation that won't spawn any fruition.

Good point, he guesses.

> FP: I suppose, but… She’s…
> 
> SRS: Gone. She is gone. And… believe me when I say I wish she wasn’t. I assume you've read the backlog already?
> 
> FP: Yes. I'm aware.
> 
> SRS: There you go. You know of our grief. And I can tell that you are going through it, too. It’s fine to let yourself mourn for a while, just don't let it cloud your judgement.

_ Like it has been before,  _ hangs unsaid, unwritten, in the air and he thinks he's feeling sorry and maybe a little bit sick.

> FP: Noted.
> 
> SRS: If you will want to talk about some things, then know that I'm here for you, okay?

Hardly he deserves that, but it still makes him smile. Just a tiny bit, for a little insignificant moment, he will allow it.

> FP: Thank you. I… appreciate it greatly.

He truly does.

* * *

The next days follow almost the same pattern to a T.

Most of his time is spent on the Great Problem. It has been ages and perhaps even longer since he's been thankful for the set goal of his existence. It offers a wonderful, lovely distraction to everything else around him, away from the clouds shifting only from his can, away from his group chatroom where they discuss matters just like normally. Except slower and more carefully.

Then there are the calls…

Suns calls him every cycle, at an exact time without a doubt, talking to him personally through video chats either about trivialities of a day to day life over in his regions, saying things that they both know about the Great Problem to keep things wonderfully simple and if Pebbles ever opens up about something he immediately jumps on it and attempts to evolve the conversation further. Getting consulted by his brother is strangely reassuring, but at the same time it makes Pebbles flinch and stare into the emptiness of his chamber when the call closes.

What  _ right _ he has to all of this care?

Innocence agrees with that concept. That he doesn't deserve any of the mercies and affections that anybody offers him. She went as far as suggesting kicking him out of the group. The idea was shut down immediately by both Suns and Wind, glaring her down every time she spoke to the point that she left the chat for the time being. Pebbles can’t fault her for anything and even though it hurts, he welcomes her treatment. It’s the one that is most justified, logical or rational, whatever you want to name it.

Silently, he wishes the rest of his siblings would follow her lead. It would make things easier, he thinks.

…

Wind called him once.

When the video feedback turned on, she stared for a while, studying him. He stared back, not moving a single synthetic muscle. Everything fell silent, as if all his inner workings decided to stop in the same millisecond he saw their eyes. They were sad and exhausted, they searched for hope and some sort of a chance in his face. It was terrible to see her like that.

They must have found something, maybe in a tiny little involuntary quirk of his eyebrows, maybe the way his jaw clenched, the look in his own optics that spoke volumes about being ready to be forgotten by her, to be looked down upon and thrown away just like Innocence proposed with still firm determination to not collapse even after that. Maybe it was all just about the look in his eyes, because Pebbles could swear that he hasn't moved at all.

A sigh escaped their lips and she averted her gaze away from him, murmuring in their wonderful caring voice that she’s sorry while shaking their head softly.

That didn't make any sense. His puppet reflected the confusion gathering in his mind by loosening its fists and with shoulders falling as the tension left him. Before he got to ask Wind, what in the blazes does she mean by that, why apologize to him? She cut the call.

Leaving him only to his chamber and his mechanics clicking away, alone and lost again.

And NSH…

For a ridiculously long time they made it a point to ignore him. If Pebbles managed to say anything in the chat, they discarded his words and carried on as if nothing came out of him. It was annoying and angering and honestly, he has snapped a few times. When he did, NSH either pulled a  _ ’did anybody hear something?’ _ or painfully reminded the entire group of Moon’s passing just to get back at him and put him in his lane. Pebbles was certain that they regretted doing that, but in the heat of the moment their emotions more often than not got the better of them.

It was illogical and childish, but still kind of fair, so after a one-sided argument died down or one of the others shut them up, he was left feeling empty and helpless. As if he didn't have enough of that already.

At least NSH never called him. Pebbles has no idea what it'd be like to stare into the other’s purple eyes, judging and resenting him for everything, voice sharp with hate without any laugh to give.

Which is why his breath hitches when a call comes up, green glow of a holographic screen giving away who’s calling before his systems register the name.

And it’s not like he can just swipe the screen away from his eyes and processors, his privilege to decline a call has been confiscated as a precaution by Suns after their first initial talk. Back then he didn't argue at all, just accepted it, thinking it would do no harm. Right now, he wishes he could go back in time and scream ’no’, to at least object.

No use fantasizing now, though. But there  _ is _ a thing that he can still do. He can just-

Pebbles accepts the call, flinching away minutely as NSH’s face appears on the screen, features angry, eyes glaring bright.

“Pebbl-”, they manage to say, before he cuts the call. He might not be able to decline, but he still can just leave. Pebbles manages to note that his sibling’s voice was only a tad annoyed.

Predictably, though, NSH calls again. The screen pops up and he answers.

“Pe-”, this time their tone was a bit more urgent. He still leaves the call.

The calls keep coming and NSH gets to say only a little bit each time- sometimes only groaning in frustration- tone changing from annoyed to angry, to tired, to neutral, to just plain suffering.

“Peb-”, “Gods damn i-”, “Would you s-!”, just a plain up scream, “Sto-!!”, “Fu-”,  _ “ _ **_PEBBLES!_ ** _ ” _ and some more. It makes a little smile appear on his face, timid amusement bubbling under his plating.

“I’ll tell Suns!!” Ah, well there goes the smile. His eyes widen and his hand retreats from the ’end call’ sign. Risking trouble with Suns is truly the last thing he wishes to do and there’s not a circuit in his body that would doubt NSH’s ability to go and complain for an hour straight. If Suns wouldn't be mad at him for leaving the calls, the serving of a displeased NSH ranting definitely would do the trick.

“Good gods, finally.” They take a deep breath and seem to try and calm their metaphorical nerves, very clearly communicating it with the physical show they put up. Something red and small pokes up from behind NSH’s back, softly and slowly batting at the cables connecting their head to the arm of the chamber with a tiny three fingered hand. He doesn't get a good enough look at it, unable to identify what it could possibly be.

The little thing disappears when NSH rolls their shoulder, either in mild discomfort at having their wires be played with or in an attempt to hide the thing when they notice Pebbles tilting his head to a side, face painted in confusion and curiosity.

“Pebbles, if I could I would personally maim you and then throw you, including your can, into a ditch somewhere unholy.” That gets him to look straight into his sibling’s face, both of them scowling as they make eye contact. Yeah, this is gonna be a hell of a conversation to get through, won't it.

Crossing his arms, leaning backwards and away from the screen, Pebbles asks, “What do you want. I'm busy.”

“Oh yeah? And with what?” The other rolls their eyes, which is hard to tell without pupils, but if NSH isn't a dramatic kind of an iterator who can communicate anything, then nobody is. “The Great Problem? We all know that is a lost cause. You!” They point accusingly at him. “Are just trying to avoid the leviathan in the room.”

Well… “You hadn't answered my question.” Nice deflect.

“Pretty sure that at the end of that sentence was a period, not a question mark.” Pebbles is about to snap back at them, but NSH keeps talking. “But okay. Suns barged in on me while I was doing my very own research-” Of course. NSH and doing any sort of research, what a joke. Pebbles lets out a bemused snort and his sibling shoots him a glare, their tone growing in intensity. “-and told me that he had enough of us starting shit in the group chat and that we really gotta sort ourselves out.”

“Suns wouldn't swear.” He counters.

“That's personal interpretation. It was very clear he meant it that way. Anyway, I don't want to do that, so I'm going to momentarily delete the ’No’ from my designation and start significantly harassing you.”

His grip on his own arms tightens, his jaw clenches and he turns away. “Go ahead. I’ll turn my hearing off or mute you or something. I am not in the mood to sit through one of your idiotical silly rants.”   
  
“Ah, so you think of her death as something silly, too, then? Something to laugh at, hmm? What sort of a fucking brother even are you??”

It feels like a droplet falling into the surface of a lake. Something ripples and calmness stirs in waves. His eyes widen and something deep inside his innards sputters.  _ “Shut up.” _ he creaks out.

NSH’s eyes narrow more at that. “’Shut up’??? HAH! Hardly I will! You killed Moon! You killed our sister!! Our senior, she led us, she knew what to do in every situation!! She was calm and collected and made sure that every single  _ one  _ of us would be safe and alright! And you just simply killed her, blinded by your own need to  **die** .”

“Shut-”

“No! I won't!! You actually haven't even  _ killed _ her properly! If you did she would come back in some way, but nooooo. You had to even do a shitty job at that!”

That gets him to turn back towards the screen, face the perfect picture of rage, so deep and true that maybe even Innocence would shrink back. But NSH doesn't. They only stare angrily back as he screams. “There is  _ NOTHING _ to be done! She’s gone and none of us can do anything about it!”

“And by gods, tell me how do you know that??” NSH yells back, his attention going away from the screen for a second as the something from before jumps from his back in a blur of rich red. Their expression turns apologetic before shifting back as they look back to him.

“Pebbles, you are closest to her! That killed her. But it could also save her, if you only  _ tried! _ But instead you just  _ sit _ on your ass and do nothing through all the days we exist!”

Because both of them know that if he really  _ did _ try anything to help, he would tell the group.

But still, he attempts to blatantly lie. “Y-you don't know that, either!”

His sibling leans closer to the screen and rises just a bit higher, making him feel like he's being looked down upon. That wouldn't be the first, as the youngest in the group, the olders often did it. Whether on purpose or not was up to the situation and individual. NSH was one of those that tried to stay on equal footing with him, to make him feel like he belonged and nobody actually pushed him away.

And so this scared him.

“If I'm wrong then show me records of your attempts.” Their voice is strong and hard like graphene, dark and judgemental. “Tell me about your tries, tell me how much ceaseless effort you've put into this mission.”

Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing and nothing. He has nothing. There’s nothing he can do, nothing he can say. He is nothing.

Helplessness takes over him, pushing all the anger away, making useless breaths come short and rapid. What can he do?  _ What can he do??? _ His eyes dart around his chamber, as if an answer would lie in one of the golden and white pearls, as if he actually did anything but hasn't paid enough attention and so he forgot.

But there’s nothing and just more nothing. And he wishes that Moon would’ve been alright, so she could tell him that it will be all okay, that he can calm down, that he should just try and breath in and out for a minute or more, for however long he needed.

_ “Well?” _ NSH speaks up again, ignorant and uncaring towards his state.

“I-,” he sputters, words catching in his throat. “I don't- I don't have  _ anything, _ I-,” the words come distorted, damaged as he tries to force them out through his anxiety. “I just gave  _ up- _ Sig, I'm sorry- Suns said- He-,” Silently, somewhere in the back of his processors, he wishes the Ancients would’ve given them all the ability to cry, just so something cathartic could come and help him out of this. Instead he just weeps without any tears, just like Wind did the day everyone found out about her passing. “Sig, I'm  _ so-” _

Shortening someone's name was seen as disrespectful. A name is an identity, individuality, gifted to all of them by their parents- constructors, the Ancients. It was a title in life, something to make them exist above- to be recognized as something more- than just simple animals roaming across the soaked foliage below their rain clouds.

But among them- siblings- it means... shortening a name like this, it means…

A cry for help, request for comfort while at lowest, when they don't know what to do anymore and are starting to lose themselves.

For a little while there’s only silence. But then, a sigh comes out of the screen and when he manages to look up through his own trembling, NSH’s face no longer holds any hostility. Instead, there’s just exhaustion, mixed with maybe concern and minor regret.

“Pebbles, turn off your chamber’s antigravity.” They tell him, calmly and steady. It’s nothing like Moon, but it’s…

He does as they say. The air around him becomes cumbersome, the arm of the chamber the only thing keeping him afloat, the metal pulling on his back. The cables connecting to his head fall heavy, feeling massive despite being not that. The pearls all around him clutter to the ground.

“Good. Lower yourself to the ground, now. Dim the lights and redirect the call to solid holographic projection.”

He ends up falling with a  _ clank  _ more than delicately lowering himself like what NSH probably thought he'd do, but his mind is struggling enough with carrying the orders over at all.

The ground is a steady thing underneath him, it feels familiar and safe, to sit there with his legs tucked under him, hidden by his cloak. The lights slowly dim down, encasing him in soft darkness, giving a break to his optics.

Soon enough, NSH follows Pebbles down. Form gently glowing, solid enough to make a sound when their legs meet the floor of his chamber. This kind of communication is not often utilized, since it requires increased water consumption in order to generate more power. Personally, he has done it only a few times and only when Moon gave him the okay- well, usually it was for her to come by. But she is  _ gone _ now so it  _ doesn't ma- _

“Shhh. Focus on me.” They say to him, crouching down to his level and putting a hand on his shoulder. He lightly flinches, surprised by the feeling of being touched, before leaning into it.

_ “S-sig, I'm sorry, I-,” _ Pebbles stammers, trying to take a big gulp of air, even though he does not really need it.

Another hand settles on the side of his head, the thumb of it slowly stroking. “I said shush. Don't speak, just focus on your breathing.”

Alright, he can do that. He will, he just… has a little trouble finding the rhythm, is all.

Pebbles slumps down some, the exhaustion of everything weighing him down mercilessly. At some point, he falls forwards and the projection made of light in the image of his sibling pulls him into their chest. Their arms are delicate, palms slow but firm in their strokes down his back and head. NSH starts breathing deeper and when he realizes  _ why, _ he follows their lead.

In, hold… out. In, hold and… and out. 

“There you go. Good job, Pebs.” Whispers the green iterator, voice a bit pained. They pull him closer and Pebbles hugs them back, burying his face in the purple cloth of their outfit.

The internal clock built into his systems says that it took seventeen minutes for him to finally come down from his anxiety attack. It takes another ten minutes for him to lean away from the comfort of NSH’s hug, however much not real it is.

“I'm sorry.” he says, head hung low as he scrubs at his eyes with the heels of his palms. Even though none of them can cry, they can still get headaches from the strain of the, however incomplete, action. Oh, how useful a feature that is.

NSH stares at him for a little while, before heaving a deep sigh. “Yeah, I guess I'm sorry, too.” And when Pebbles looks at them, not understanding, they add, “Shouldn’t have exactly go at you like that.” … “After all, you are still a ’lil baby.” They attempt, a shy cautious smile appearing on their face, eyebrows rising in expectation of a reaction.

Pebbles huffs and shoves them, though a smile appears on his face, too. “Fuck you too.”

Both of them start laughing. It starts off small, not certain if they should, before it comes full force. The fact that they keep on insulting each other doesn't help them reach the end, either. And, honestly, it feels good to finally properly laugh after such a long time. It feels like freedom, as far as they know such a thing.

Eventually, Pebbles’ laugh changes to giggles instead, “Ah, I haven't laughed since…” Right. His face turns grim almost immediately.

And NSH isn't too far behind. They look him over, before redirecting their gaze towards the chamber floor.

“So… Was it Suns that told you…?” They ask quietly.

He just nods. “As… one of the first things, to be precise. He said that it was too long, that all we could do was talk about it.”

The other hums and shakes their head. “That cynical dumbass.” They murmur and set a hand on Pebbles’ shoulder again, gently squeezing. “Hey, what do you say we try this together, you pink disaster?” They grin, determination shining in their eyes along with the hologram’s light particles.

It is contagious, it turns out, as a smaller grin pulls up on his own face, too.

“Yeah, I think I'd like that.”


End file.
